04.03 Jeska
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[00:00:00] I don't know about you, but the dumpster fire of 2024 has brought so many massive shifts very quickly, and we've all kind of been just fucking going through it. But ironically, Typically in these situations, I lean on my great ability to slide on into my survival mode and just plow through, soldier on, get shit done, and overcome, and prevail.
Granting this space, and like, really, really cleaning up my act. Like, getting accountable and realistic with where my energy is meant to lie in order for me to evolve. In fact, it's not about healing. It's not about picking up the broken pieces or putting ourselves back together.
In fact, we get so focused on trying to fix what we think is broken, we don't realize that this pattern and process is part of [00:01:00] becoming. Who we're meant to be. We can't become unless we break apart what once was. So being a powerhouse, driven, passionate, hard working individual. Now I'm not saying work ethic and hard work isn't going to get you where you want to go, but if you were to take that work ethic and devote it and focus it and calibrate it on a specific goal and task, you are going to smash it so much sooner than if you're just trying to do a million things trying to hit a million.
Okay, so being a six figure CEO, and on my way to seven figures, and scaling two businesses, and raising two young children, and losing my dog, my soul, my, my sweet, my sweet soul son, and getting a new puppy. All the things that are going on in my life, running a school, hiring for staff members, training for staff members, releasing new trainings, Taking on new one on one students.
All of [00:02:00] these things going on can become very chaotic very quickly and our energy can get very frantic and very messy. And then you kind of have one foot in here, one foot in there, and nothing's ever getting done. So if you've ever felt like, or that shame that you carry, like, Oh, I started another project or started another business and then I fucking abandoned it.
What if you didn't abandon it? What if it's something you started because that, that passion, that desire, that inspiration was there and it's just in your box. to do later. It's another tool for you to reach for when you're ready to build that next phase. If your foundation isn't steady and solid, you're not ready to add to it.
But it doesn't mean you can't go and get the tools and have things ready. We like to over prepare, right? So let's dive into spring cleaning and really learning how to self prepare in a sense of reorganizing our thoughts and our energy and our ability and that re anchoring into the, it's [00:03:00] not so much a I don't give a fuck energy, because typically as multi passionates we give all of the fucks in so many different areas, it's more the I do what I want vibe.
So hashtag vibe tribe, or if, well, I don't know, maybe we should, I'm gonna say tribe because A tribe is strong. A tribe has, it takes care of everyone in it. Okay, we have warriors, we have hunters, we have gatherers, we have healers, we have mothers, we have chiefs, we have daughters, we have leaders and followers, we have people who help create community.
So just, even your community connection. If we can't say five tribe, we'll say community connection. I'm not here to offend, I mean it in the most positive way. But I digress. What I'm coming across for here is you are divinely meant to create and overcome all the challenges that are coming for you.
Everything you're going through right now is because you're being [00:04:00] told from universe, from source, from God, from whomever, whatever, wherever, that you, you are meant for more and what you're meant for can't pass you by. So let's dissect that.
So this anxiety. That we feel, this anxiety and this, this creeping urge to just overcome, overachieve, supersede, and like, over externally validate every single thing we do in our life and business. The act of, the act of seeking approval in, in a means and enabling others actions and enabling people and feeding into judgment and worrying about people judging us is very self centered.
So now it's time to clean up our act. Now clean the shit up, sister. So when you're worried about what other people think of you, and you're worried about offending, or you're worried about coming off a certain way, or you're worried about [00:05:00] whatever you're worried about, when you're like, oh, I'm just really, I don't wanna, I don't wanna upset anyone else.
No, you actually just want people to tell you it's okay to see. you as you are and to feel the way that you feel. When you're so worried about judgment, you're actually seeking approval to exist a certain way and for someone to tell you that they like you. It's self serving. You're seeking approval because you want to be told it's okay.
You want to be told you are liked. You want to be told you are great. You want to be told you're doing such a good job. I mean, yeah, we all want that, but it comes from this weird, deeply led nature of I want, I need, that for me. Instead of, I do what I want. I'm here to empower, activate, and inspire.
Like, if you choose to lead, lead. If you choose to follow, follow. Or get the fuck out of my way. You can walk alongside me. You can lead me. You can [00:06:00] follow me. You can be in it with me. But do not stand in my way. You don't get to judge me. And if you do judge me, I don't fucking care. You know why? Because I have the right to share, think, feel, and be who I am.
Just like you do. Not everyone is going to agree with you. Not everyone is going to agree with me. And people's opinions are going to change. In fact, people that might not like you might grow to like you. They might just not be at that level yet. And there might be people that come into your world, whether it's in coaching containers or it's in coaching containers.
in your studio, or it's a long term client, and like, as you shift and grow, that person could be in your energy, and they could be talking, saying amazing things about you online, and love bombing you, and, and filling your cup, and making you feel really good, and you're like, oh, I love this person, oh, they're so awesome, but just then start fucking trashing you behind your back.
In the end, does it matter? Yeah, it feels good when they're saying nice things to you, and it feels [00:07:00] bad when they're not. But your success isn't hinged on their opinion or ability to change their opinion of you. So let's work on the inner work here, right? Our inner work is said making sure that we are doing our due diligence to feed our devotion to feed our declarations we make.
Our self declarations, like in my Beauty Biz Magic, or sorry, my Mindful Magic Planner, when you're doing a self declaration, it's called a self declaration for a reason. In fact, if you want the self declaration sheet, uh, I'll drop the link in the show notes, and if you can just have it as a free download, you're welcome.
I gift you this. Start doing these self direct declarations weekly, because you are declaring to yourself You are putting it into the world, into the universe. This is what you're anchoring into for yourself, not for what others think or see or feel about you. You can make an impact [00:08:00] without having to worry about what other people are doing.
Those that are there to receive, or those who are looking to work with you, those who are meant to be A part of the process will come into the light. Those who are ready and seeking will find. Everything we want and need is out there. It is provided for us. The universe, God, there is a bigger plan at play.
It is more than about just you. There's a lot of fucking shit that has to fall into place for your goddamn dreams to come true, okay? So, when you stop feeling so sorry for yourself, and I can say this because I have been going through this spiral myself, I've done the same thing. My RSD flares up, resec resec can't even talk, rejection sensitivity disorder, and I have immense fear, especially in my hormonal cycle, whenever I go to PMS or have severe PMDD, [00:09:00] I have this immense, like, I am a burden, I am a downer.
You know, even sharing my healing process, sharing what I've been through, sharing my grief, and like, what this whole transformation has been for me. Sharing the shitshow that it is behind the scenes. There is a lot of honesty I want to bring to the table because I feel like a lot is hidden online. But in being honest, I also need to remember that I need to stay true to myself.
In being honest and vulnerable, am I more open to being attacked by saying how I feel and who I am in this moment? Yes. Do I need to divulge every single detail? Sometimes I feel like I do. Sometimes I feel like if I'm not 100 percent transparent, it's going to come back at me because I need to give everyone everything all the time and I don't get to keep things for myself.
Something I need to work on for me is I'm allowed to have some privacy. I'm allowed to have private moments. I'm allowed to have things that I enjoy, things for me that don't need to be broadcasted to the world. But I overshare. I overshare out [00:10:00] of nervousness. I overshare out of a need to be liked and understood.
I overshare in desperation to connect and communicate with other people and find the other people in the world that are out there like me. I feel this need to save the world and find those people so that they don't kill themselves because they couldn't find anyone like them and they're alone. And I feel this huge burden and responsibility to overshare and over serve and over deliver.
So where I'm doing the work and the cleanup is I get to have things for myself. I get to choose what I share and don't share. I get to decide what I want to do and say each and every day. And I don't own anyone a fucking explanation for any of the shit that I decide to do. I can change my mind. I can stand my ground.
I can move forward. I could hold off. I can go spend the money. I can save the money. I can Cremate one dog and buy a new dog. I can do whatever I want and it doesn't matter. I invite conversation. I invite opinion. I invite perspective. But I do not expect [00:11:00] understanding or acceptance. Because, honestly, there is duality.
We live in a world that is a 3D physical world and we have the duality of being connected to divine frequency, of having intuition and leadership from something and someone and all of that is greater than ourselves. There is duality. So when there is duality, you can't have light without dark. You can't be positive without negative.
We can't have growth without challenge. We have to be in an acceptance with our duality and our ability to lead ourselves through what isn't exactly what we want in the moment. And be okay with banking things for later that aren't meant to serve us now. And be okay with releasing and letting go. Of what no longer serves where we are going and who we are becoming.
We have to be okay with burying the past version of ourselves. We have to be okay with forgiving and forgetting. We have to be [00:12:00] okay with not reliving and redefining and re speaking the things that are harming us. It's just like talk therapy. I remember my therapist mentioning this when I had postpartum depression.
That was after my daughter was born. And like, I process through talking. And because of my PTSD and stuff in my past as well, often I will forget when I bring things up and I'll relive memories and talk about them like I've never discussed them. Even great ideas, even if it's not a traumatic thing, I'd have a great fucking idea, completely forget about it, and then have a moment, day, two days, three days, two weeks later, and be like, Oh my god, I just had a great idea!
And my husband's like, you already, we just, we just had this idea. Like, we already did this and I can't remember because that short term memory is gone. So, come cycling back. We have to be okay, but not everything's gonna be okay all the time, and we have to be okay with the duality of where we are now, where we want to go, and we have to be okay [00:13:00] with the healing that takes place and healing never ending.
We are always healing. We are always evolving. We are a flawed species. Humans are not perfect. I always had a problem with the saying you're perfect just the way you are and I thought it's because I felt ugly and I thought it's because I felt stupid and I thought it's because I felt like a misfit. But no, my problem with the saying, oh you're perfect just as you are, is because when we are intellectual and we do overjudge and overanalyze everything, we damn well know as honest individuals we are not perfect nor will we ever be perfect.
Because we are perfectionists and we will never be good enough. According to our own standards, because we are psychotic, and that's okay. We can always be better. Just because you can't be perfect doesn't mean you can't be better. Make better choices. A prime example of how I've moved through and been really working with my emotional cleanup, and what makes me a strong leader now compared to who I was before, [00:14:00] I used to think I'm not thinking. I wouldn't even think. When something tragic happened or things got stressful, I would flick the humanity switch and my husband has seen it.
I turn into an alien. I have no emotion. I'm there, but I'm not there and I don't come back for months when I flick the humanity switch. Yes, I'm dropping a referral to Vampire Diaries. If you don't, you know. Sidenote, Damon Salvatore, right? Team Damon. I need to know if you're team Damon or not. If you are watching this and you know them or watching or listening or whatever it may be, if you're on YouTube, you can hear and see that my dog is climbing.
He wants to escape and chew the electrical cords, so that's why I'm struggling. If you're listening, you're just gonna feel me petting him. When we flip a humanity switch, We're doing ourselves a disservice in the rest of the world, because then we, same as bottling shit up, then we explode, we've damaged control, it's so much more energy to [00:15:00] clean up later, and then we just repeat cycle.
And becoming a mother is very traumatic. Birth is a traumatic process. You are not the same person after birth as you were before. Having children, even if you didn't birth your own children, going from a life without kids to a life with kids is entirely different. There's, there's a level of sacrifice that comes with allowing them.
They old you to die because something and someone matters more than you at that moment. But the thing is, is that that self sacrifice, there's a responsibility that we have to take for our own healing and our own awareness.
Taking responsibility for your own healing, and your own journey, and your own emotions, your own ancestral traumas, taking the time to understand and explore what it is that you're working with, that awareness. will only help feed and support children or other people in your work, in your [00:16:00] life, you are going to get a lot farther ahead when you understand the tools you're working with and when you let go of the baggage that's weighing you down.
Because that shit is heavy. It is crippling. It's a lot. Even if, if you're lucky enough to not have had a lot of complex trauma early in life, life is hard. And you're hard on yourself. I get it. But learning how to forgive, and to receive forgiveness is huge, is huge. I find for most of my clients that are feeling lost, they're grabbing on to all of, like, especially with social media, it's a blessing and a curse because you have access to anybody, everywhere, at any given time, who all have their different marketing strategies and verbiage, who are attracting you.
There's a lot of people out there that are, that could be in alignment with you, what you want to listen to. And I've recently gone through this where I've been unfollowing a lot of [00:17:00] mentors I truly admire and have worked with. And I value them all, but unless I'm speaking with them in the DMs, or like having a friendly conversation, or shooting a text or a voice note to somebody, whether they're on a friend level or if they're just mentors or people I follow, I, I have to make the decision of when I want to tap in and listen to them and take that on.
Otherwise, it's too many voices. You know the saying, too many cooks in the kitchen? Too many voices in our head is adding to the fire. It's adding to the flame. And we think that by buying all the self help books and downloading all the courses and buying another course, you don't need another course. You just need to fucking do the work.
You just need to show the fuck up. You need to choose what resonates with you today and go with that. Because you are going to go into that hyper fixation rabbit hole and try to like over absorb and be the sponge. You get so drunk on empowering people. Knowledge and should do's, could do's. Here's an idea, here's an idea.
We love ideas. We are idea people. We're creative. We love inspiration. But when [00:18:00] there's too many voices, on top of the voices that are always going on in our head, we get very overwhelmed. And we're too kind to tell them to fuck off or shut up or tune out. I want you to remember that your phone is not real life.
You can unfollow. And still be friends with people online. You can, instead of taking a hiatus and burning out and blowing up your own social media, Unfollow people you don't need. Have your own thoughts and opinions for a while. If you want to tap in and listen when someone goes live, sure. But do you need to see all of their content all the time?
Do you need to be binging? Binge eating isn't healthy and neither is binge doom scrolling or content binging. Binging is binging. Binging is an act of self sabotage and desperation because you feel like you are failing, you need help, you're not enough. If only you could blank, if only they could teach you blank.
What if you just sat down and took [00:19:00] that space to reflect? and get at the root of what it is you're really searching for.
If you don't know what you're searching for, how do you expect to ever find the answer? No matter how much you scroll, or how many coaches you hire, or how many programs you take online, how many self help books you read, how many planners you buy and keep trying to re plan and organize your life and your schedule, nothing is going to change if you are not aware of what needs to shift.
And sometimes what needs to shift is so blatantly obvious, it's, it's, it's You're in resistance because it's something you don't want to let go. It's the only thing you know, my survival mode has served me greatly. I have, I have, I'm very successful because of my ability to supersede and achieve. However, there is a lot that I have let slide and ignored for so long.
that I forget that because I am confident, I do see myself as confident, I am outgoing, I do the damn thing, I can show the [00:20:00] fuck up, and I will show up wholeheartedly for anybody, but not for myself. I'll put myself aside, I'll fill slots of time that I need for me, I won't give myself time to breathe, and when I do have space, I find often I can't relax.
Why can't I write? I should be doing this. I should be doing that guilt, that shame, that drive. It is so hardwired in our nervous system when we are, it's literally learning and relearning how to rewire your brain. Having this space can feel like you've been in a car accident and you don't know how to walk.
I don't know how to rest. I don't know how to sit with feelings because I'm used to turning them. I'm very deeply emotional and dramatic. That's not a surprise. But to sit and process. feelings. I'm very good. I'll just pick up another task and get busy. I can be mid conversation discussing my feelings or missing my dog and then be like, oh, you know, it'd be a really good [00:21:00] idea.
What if I do a blast from the past or birthday bonus at the studio in April and I can blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'll just start creating a marketing plan and strategizing because I'm really fucking good at it. And then I'll stop myself and be like, that's not important right now. I need to finish this thought and this process, even if it's going to make me cry and it's going to make me feel sad and it's going to feel like the air is coming out of my lungs.
But it's that quick. It's that quick. It's almost on a level of a sociopath, except I do actually genuinely care very deeply and have all of the fucks in the world. But being aware of that pattern and going like, Why am I doing that? Same with shapeshifting, when I get into certain people, like, I, I find myself, I'll start following somebody, and I'll get, like, enamored with them, and I'll, like, get into this, like, what is it they're doing?
Why can't I? And it's almost like you want to chameleon them. Well, if how I'm feeling is uncomfortable, not working for me now, what if I tried to do this? And you gotta catch yourself and be like, um, but I'm not them, and that's not gonna work for me because I don't actually want that, they just make me feel like I want that.
So be [00:22:00] careful of what's being marketed to you, because you are also used to being an energy chameleon. Do you know why? We are chameleons because we mirror people as a form of safety, as of protecting ourselves. It's, it's masking. We masked our whole lives. It's a very difficult habit to break. Masking and trying to fit in so we didn't stand out stopped us from being ridiculed, crucified.
You know, it's, it's, it's one of those things that it's easier to pretend we're okay when we're not okay because we don't want to blah, blah, blah, blah. It's easier to just sit down, shut up, show up, and then go home and fall apart later. But that's why our identities become our work, and that's why we then feel guilty that We're workaholics and obsessed with our work, but we don't know how to sit and be with people anymore because if we're not proving that we're worthwhile to be in their space, then we're just wasting air.[00:23:00]
Well, I'm here to tell you, Sistar, that we are all worth the oxygen in the room. We are all worth the air that we breathe. We are worth more than that. We are worth taking up space. more space. We are worth having conversations and connections. We are, we are worth boundaries and saying no, we don't feel like it.
Where if you want to change plans and not go, you don't actually own anyone a fucking explanation. You might feel like you do, but if they actually know you or don't know you, it doesn't really matter. Do you want to give an explanation and why? Is it because you actually feel better doing so or is it because you want them to tell you it's okay that you're not going?
Do you see what I mean? your seeking of approval is self serving. So when we realize, oh shit, this is selfish. Well, we're heart led. We're heart led soul people. It's like, well, fuck, I don't want to be a selfish piece of shit. So let's unlearn that. So it's just a new way to gain perspective on how to you.
Spring clean up our selfishness with self awareness, because when we do [00:24:00] that, we create space to be more honest with our feelings and what it is we're actually seeking with our actions. This gives us more control over how we show up, how we speak, how we choose to commit or not to commit, how we act and move forward.
The higher version of you in the future that you fantasize over does not sit there begging and pleading and asking people to tell them it's okay that they're running their business this way, and it's okay that they're doing this today, and it's okay that they're eating this today, and it's okay if they color their hair a certain way, and it's okay, you don't need to be told it's okay.
I'm already telling you it's okay! Take that! Move on! You get to be the boss in your life and in your business. It's your life, your decision, your time. This is your existence. You're not broken, you're becoming. Stop worrying about the mess you're making once you fall apart. Move the fuck [00:25:00] on. The storm, when a storm blows in and destroys shit, does the storm feel bad?
No, it already happened. So what do you do? If anything that is laying around is that important to you, pick that shit up and move on. You don't, you don't need to sit there and feel bad about it. It already happened. Just like when you look at your bank account and you're like, I shouldn't have spent my money on this, or that investment was dumb, why didn't I know better?
Well, you know what? It was part of the lesson. You learned something. Move on. You are keeping yourself stuck by fixating and seeking people to tell you it's okay to be, do, see, act, feel, think. Just be yourself. And if you don't know what or who that is, then that's your goal. Find time to reflect. Like, this is, this is your [00:26:00] activity.
Set up check in rituals. Again, I'll drop the link below for the self declaration. You can download it. It's a page out of the Mindful Magic Planner. If you want to know more about the planner, you can type it in on Amazon, Mindful Magic. Weekly Productivity Planner, even just Mindful Magic Planner, you'll find it on Amazon.
And this, make it a habit, like do your self declarations, do a weekly check in, and do your daily devotions, because when you set yourself up and remind yourself, you're creating this consistency where you're dedicating a moment to receive the message, Where are you at? What is the focus? Where are you going?
Where and who are you right now? You don't need to defend yourself. You don't need to define yourself. You're just literally planning out What am I doing right now with today? Where are you at today? You might be here. You might be here You might be here. You might be where there it doesn't matter where you're at Today is all that matters because today is the opportunity for you to take a step towards tomorrow [00:27:00] Which will take you towards next week next month next year next decade To the next version of you.
You are constantly growing and evolving, no matter what. I love you, until next time.
